


Touching Still

by Aki_Aiko



Category: Glee
Genre: Grief, M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-01
Updated: 2012-06-01
Packaged: 2017-11-06 12:42:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/419036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aki_Aiko/pseuds/Aki_Aiko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A year after Kurt's death, things between Blaine and Sebastian still don't feel quite right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Touching Still

Kurt's coffee order still sits, the lid still on, in the kitchen. The liquid's long gone cold and most likely rancid by now, but Blaine likes to turn the Starbucks cup in his hands as he eats his morning breakfast of plain toast and orange juice. Used to be, he'd try to sneak in something sweeter, more fattening, until Kurt caught him or Sebastian ratted him out in exchange for extra kisses. Now he eats the healthy stuff without being told. It seems wrong not to. 

"Hey." Sebastian stumbles into the kitchen and rubs at his eyes, his hair sticking up in all the wrong places. 

Blaine looks away. He'd seen, just for a moment, Kurt standing there and bemoaning the state of his lover's hair. "Hey."

It's mostly quiet in the mornings now. Neither of them ever really liked getting up before, now there just doesn't seem to be much point. Only one of them had a routine to follow. The two of them just got dragged along with it.

"I'm going to be late," Sebastian says, jolting Blaine's attention from the Starbucks logo as it slowly revolves to the right.

Blaine shrugs. Sebastian's late almost every night. Neither of them argue about it; it just is. At night in bed, they lay side by side, not touching, just breathing out-of-sync. They haven't touched each other in a month. The last time Blaine reached out for him in the dark, Sebastian couldn't bear to cross the empty space between them.

Sometimes, Blaine wonders if he's having an affair. All the signs are there. He comes home late at night, most of the time smelling lightly of alcohol and cigarettes-and he quit smoking years ago, back in college when Kurt sat them both down for a power point presentation on the dangers of smoking.

It's been a year. Sebastian went straight back into work after the funeral, but Blaine still putters around the house, touching things and just wishing for his missing puzzle piece. Sebastian had been the one to break down when it came time to lower Kurt's body into the ground, though everyone thought it would be Blaine who played the grieving widow. 

After wandering around the house without any real purpose, Blaine finds himself pulling down the ladder to the attic where all of Kurt's things are put away. Except for the dresser. That sits in the bedroom. Blaine likes to open a drawer every now and then to let the faint smell of perfume out.

Some of Kurt's clothes still smell like him, so Blaine takes a sweater back down with him and curls up with it on the bed. Kurt's scent is beginning to fade. Soon, it will be gone, leaving everything smelling like old fabric and moth balls. He puts a pillow over the sweater and sets it in the middle of the bed. It's a poor substitute for the real thing but makes imagining that much easier.

All Blaine wants to do is sleep, so he closes his eyes.

x

"What are you doing?" Sebastian asks when he gets home, standing over the bed with hands on hips. "I would have thought you'd go for the throw pillows first."

Blaine blinks at him, then glances at the clock. It's past midnight. "Where were you?"

"I said I'd be late." He sits down on the edge of the bed and Blaine rolls over to face him. The pillow lies abandoned, reality setting in.

"So..." Blaine ventures. "Were you there alone?"

Sebastian is silent a moment before looking down at Blaine. "No. Why would I be?"

Blaine sighs and fiddles with the buttons on the sweater next to him. "So who is he?"

"Who's who?" Sebastian rolls his eyes when he realizes what Blaine means. "I'm not cheating on you."

"It wouldn't be the same, you know? If you did." The other person would just be a placemarker holding Kurt's (fabulous) place.

Sebastian finally leans down to rest his forehead into the crook of Blaine's neck. "I know."

They press close and lie quietly together. Blaine’s hand still fiddles with the buttons of Kurt’s sweater. Sebastian moves against him, turning Blaine so that they’re facing each other, hips touching, lightly at first, then slowly building to more forceful thrusts and grinding.

Blaine grits his teeth and groans as arousal shoots through his system, setting him nerves on fire. His grip on Kurt's sweater tightens the next time their hard cocks press together. He claws at Sebastian's pants and manages to say, "Come on."

They shed their clothes quickly, then Blaine is left aching while Sebastian leans to the side of the bed for lube and a condom. Having been without for so long, Sebastian slides a finger in slowly, a second one soon joining it. Blaine closes his eyes at the feeling, at the stretching burn, and wiggles his hips down against the fingers inside him.

When Sebastian twists his hand just so, Blaine gasps and bucks. Sebastian pulls away then and presses himself into Blaine. He feels fuller than when it was just fingers, but it still feels good, so Blaine wraps his legs up over Sebastian's hip and pulls him down into a long kiss.

The pace is slow at first, neither wanting to go faster. This way is nice, intimate. Lovemaking at its finest.

Blaine turns his head to the side and catches Kurt's scent next to him. The sweater Blaine's still clutching doesn't smell like sex, though, doesn't mingle in with what's happening now and is a harsh reminder of what's missing.

The first tears to fall are silent and Sebastian kisses them away but changes angle, moving faster, when Blaine's chest hitches. The bed smacks into the wall behind it, rhythmic and steady as Sebastian goes deeper with every thrust. He slows again, though, when Blaine groans.

The feel of Sebastian's hand, firmly stroking, sends him over the edge into orgasm. Blaine runs one of his own hands down Sebastian's back as he starts to move again and draws him closer when he finally stiffens in Blaine's arms.

Afterwards, they lay together quietly, Blaine spooned up against Sebastian's back. Kurt's sweater is somewhere on the floor with its pillow, not forgotten, exactly, but somehow not as important to hold onto, not when Blaine has a warm shoulder in front of him to press his lips against tenderly.

It's not right, he thinks. But it's okay.


End file.
